Jason, I did listen

Jason,

The last time I saw you was sometime in the late 1990s in Seattle, in front of the Broadway Market. You had told me in so many words, that you saw me as a disappointment, because you said "What happened to you??? I looked up to you." I was shocked that people actually cared about what I did or didn't do. Especially you. Since you've never had taken the time to really get to know me.

In the years since, I have learned a valuable lesson: regardless of whether one cares or not, you are watched by people. There are people that care about what you do or don't do.

I have strived to be a good example of how a person should be. Grace under pressure. A model employee. The perfect boyfriend/husband. A resource for everyone to come to for advice, comfort, direction, instruction. An inspiration.

I have helped so many people over the years, the names and faces have blurred. I have lived up to your hopes of me since our last meeting, especially since in your eyes I have failed you.

It is understood where you were coming from. For young gay men in the late 80s and early 90s, there are few examples of what can one be. To many, I supposedly had it all: a student who held down a job, and still had time to fight for our civil rights, and the cause for GLBT youth in Seattle. But I am still a human being.

I wanted love. I wanted affection. I wanted admiration. And yes, I was a manslut. I wanted acceptance by my peers, young and old. And most of all, I wanted to be me. For a guy that 'had it all', that was one of the things I lacked.

I was too busy being the example, I didn't have time to grow up myself. It was a luxury for me to have the freedom to do what I wanted, when I wanted, as I wanted. People were allowed to define who I was supposed to be. When a mistake was made, people looked at me as the devil incarnate, a hypocrite, an asshole, or worse, a complete idiot.

So what did I do? I packed and moved to Portland to find myself and actually learn how to be myself and figure out what Drew wants for himself.

During my seven years in Portland, the conclusion was: that I needed to do what I needed to do, and to hell with everyone else. However, your message still rang loud and clear.

There were countless lives that were affected with my leadership, example and inspiration. And in my current role as a Trainer at WDW has made me realise how I have affected them. I was the example. I was the resource. I was the leader. I was the inspiration. The awareness that people were watching and actually caring about what was done or wasn't was magnified immensely.

From mistakes, lessons were learned. I will be myself. I will continue to be the person people expect me to be. I will be myself. Mistakes will always be made on my part; so will there be lessons learned. I will be myself.

Should people not like that, then they need to reassess what their expectations of what Drew is all about, and accept that I am who I am. Because as the song by Three Doors Down goes: "Let Me Be Myself".

You might have been "Looking Out For A Hero", but unfortunately, I am just a man, just like you. I was looking for the same. The solution at the time could have been: you could have been a real friend to me, and we could have done that for each other.

Jason, I hope life goes well for you, and that you find the heroes and examples that helped you become the man that you are today.

With sentimental regard to days gone by,
Drew

(Drew's note: Jason was a guy I knew from a long time ago, from a loose circle of guy friends I kinda sorta hung out with, within the GLBT youth community in Seattle. At the time, I didn't hang out with a lot of guys my age, since I intellectually and for the most part emotionally, had more in common with older guys.)