My current inspiration

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

--Invictus, William Ernest Henley

Thanks, but no thanks.

Just found out that Ocean Park sent me a service award for 5 years of service. Fuck them. Why do I want something that I've earned, but is from an an employer who has no respect for me? I think I'll break it in pieces and send it back.

Thankful for these people

Yesterday, I named names of those who wronged me. Now, I'll be naming names of those who made the difference in my life during the same period. Another reason to love teachers.

Michelle Timmerman. A good woman who taught me the goodness of people. She, in my mind, was a saint. She embodied patience, love, understanding, empathy, and caring.

Walt Waitman. He wanted to make sure that I could achieve my full potential. He knew that I could be someone if I applied myself.

Ronald Ott. He gave me pride in my ethnicity, and non white. I felt like a nephew in his hands. He was tough, but he was fair.

Dorothy Rosenburger. If I had listened to her, I would have had my career as a performer a lot faster than I am. She believed in my abilities as a perfomer. I wish I had listened to her.

Rex Martin. The one that propped me up during my elementary school years. At times, it felt like he was my only friend. His encouragement and genuine caring made the rough times bearable.

Norman Charouhas. The first person that realized I was gay. He recommended that I read, The Front Runner, by Patricia Nell Warren. I didn't know the book was about two runners, who just happened to be men, who loved each other. I actually have the Virgo sign tattooed on my right shoulder as a remembrance of that book.

Jock McLaughlin. The one that told me that I could be a powerful force if I could get my reading and speaking skills to sync together. One of the assignments he handed out was to decide which was more horrific, the murder of 6 million Jews or the systematic murder of 6 million Native Americans. I answered 6 million Jews. But after a few years had passed, I realized that I had failed the lesson. I had missed the point: Both were systemically eliminating peoples and cultures, just because they were different. I caught up with him, and told him that. I hope that it pleased him that I got the point.

Nancy Johnson. The person who helped me through coming out. She put up with my shenanigans and falling asleep in class, and was supportive.

Juli Jaffe. The person that inspired me to become a journalist. (Why I'm not is another story, and has nothing to do with my emotional state.) The person, at great risk of her job, defended me to the death when I came out.

So I am thankful that these men and women where there for me, and taught me what I needed to learn to be a better and stronger person. While they couldn't stop the bullying, they gave me the tools to be a successful adult.

Thank you so much. I will never forget you. I will always love you for the difference you made in my life.

Bullied after all this time

After watching tonight's Glee, I should have sued the Lake Washington School District 22 years ago. I was paralyzed in pain, as Kurt's pain was coming out, mine exploded in the form of painful memories. I knew at that point I could have stopped harassment based on race, gender, sexual orientation in its tracks.

I am traumatized, still, from the harassment and bullying I endured during my years of hell. And I am naming names, as many as I can remember. If you find your name come up in this blog, as you search for your name on the internet, read and I hope you're happy to see your name in a negative light. Because you fucked my head up so badly. I really hope you can live with yourselves, since you almost ruined someone's life.

The weight gain -- and the inability to manage my weight, the low self-esteem, the feeling I was never good enough and that I always had something to prove. Or even depression and second guessing. How about living a life I thought would make people like me? Forget what I wanted. As it is human nature to want to be loved and accepted.

Oh yeah, I'm as strong as nails, and I act like I don't need anyone. But deep inside I am battle worn. By speaking out, I am no longer a victim. I am asserting my right to tell my story and join others in their fight against bullying, starting my journey towards healing myself. I never understood until the past two months what my unresolved issues were. Thanks Anderson Cooper for making me realize what they were.

I remember when I was 6 years old, my mom let me walk home from school for the first time. I was so proud that I didn't have to be picked up every day. Bob Green chased me all the way home, pelting me with rocks, calling me a dirty Jap. I tried to hide in the bushes, but Mrs Sorenson chased me out, not caring that I was being bullied. From that point on, I was teased for being different, since I was one of the few families of color in my neighborhood. No one did anything to make it stop. That bastard Bob Green harassed me all throughout high school, along with his sidekick, Bryce McCabe.

In Junior High, I had more enemies. People took advantage of my gullibility and lack of street smarts to keep me down. Tyler Kopet, David Rose, Alf Hauge, Marc Brunner (the only one that I managed to beat the shit out of), Erik Eastlyn, Patrick Morton amongst others, were the more memorable ones. I also staged an attempted suicide attempt because I was screaming for help, but I didn't know at that time why I needed help.

Then I went to Lake Washington High School, where Tyler and Bob followed, but there were others: Kathy McGrath, anyone on the cheerleader squad, Jon Gentry, another Bob (who carried on like a neo-nazi asshole). Stephanie Helms was the reason I quit band, sharing music with her was unbearable. When I came out on TV, the attacks came at me in full force. Almost expelled by Mr Kovats, attacked by Al Van Troba and Doug Chapple behind my back in the teacher's lounge, while an assistant principal who could have saved me, just stood back in horror.

Ms Hee, the last time I saw you, in 1993, your eyes told me you were sorry. I never told you I forgive you. I knew your back was against the wall too. Two teachers, a Ms Jaffe and Mrs Johnson, got me through the last 9 weeks until graduation.

A few months before I came out on Seattle TV, facing excommunication from my church (at that point, I went Born Again), I contemplated suicide, because a dear friend came out to me, and at that point, I realized that I too, was gay.

To Al Kovats and Al Van Troba: Fuck you! You had the power to defend me, and protect me, but you failed miserably. Mr Van Troba gets another F-U for the crap you made me go through in Junior High, just because you could have put all the teasing to a stop, BUT you kept telling me that it was all my fault. NO, IT WASN'T YOU FUCKING BASTARD! IT WASN'T!!! You had the power to stop it. You failed me! I hope that is something you can live with, and explain to St Peter why it was justified. Hypocritical Christian values at work!

Mrs Jan Yuli, who told me I was a spoiled brat. You stupid witch, I hope you rot in hell. Had you known about the abuse and the bullying, you'd feel so much differently. But I never knew not to expect empathy from you.

So, yes, it does get better, and I rose above it all. After I came out on Seattle TV and graduated high school (see my April 18th blog post), I tried to block out all the memories, all the hell and horror I endured. I did many things with my life: fight for the rights of gay and lesbian youth, went to school, became a performer, traveled, and other things I never thought I would never do, or was told I was not capable of doing. I have a husband with two cats living a suburban life, fulfilling job/s, and done most of the things I wanted to do with my life. I am happy with my life. Except for one thing....

I want justice for all the crap I endured! I want justice.

I should have sued when Kovats and LWSD violated my civil rights as I was coming out, rights I never knew I had. I should have sued for the harassment I encountered. I should have taught the Lake Washington School District a painful lesson.

Every student has the right to learn in a non violent environment. Every student has the right to feel safe. LWSD failed.

And I'm paying the price.

A slap in the face

http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/11/19/avlon.murkowski.palin/index.html

There you go Sarah, you idiotic intelli-cunt! The only way you're going to get the presidency is if you actually focus on creating policies and committing to fair and responsible government INSTEAD of divisive and extreme politics and shooting your mouth off needlessly. You may come across as knowing a lot, but at the end of the day, you're the epitomize a bad politician -- full of hot air with no substance.

Populist ideas, my ass.... You are what happens when people let the mob rule -- Amerikan political extremism at its worst.

From Twitter's CEO

From dickc dick costolo

Dear Chinese Government, year-long detentions for sending a sarcastic tweet are neither the way forward nor the future of your great people.

So, what does this mean?

I don't know where I'm going, but I sure know where I've been....

Can you guess what song that's from?

Updated Social Contract

Please note: I will be in the process of deleting people whom I don't have regular contact with, or who have not contacted me in a long time. So, please don't be offended if you find yourself deleted. You can always send another friend request. Also, new verbage is in italics, since this social contract is a work in progress.

Since I just added and deleted friends, and there are new things happening in my life, here's a friendly reminder of how I work on Facebook and other social media.

I will subject you to all my opinions, and welcome your feedback as long as it is CONSTRUCTIVE. I normally do voice my opinions freely in the online forums, such as this, and should be able to feel some sort of 'safety' to do that, with minimum repercussions for doing so.

If you find what I post objectionable, you can delete that particular comment. If you find everything I post is objectionable, you can 'un-friend' me or, make everything I post invisible. I won't take it personally, but I will not censor myself either. I also reserve the right to do the same.

In return, expect me to give you the same constructive feedback on whatever you end up posting. In other words, don't dish it out, if you can't stand the heat. However, in true Drew style, I will be as tactful, diplomatic and kind as I possibly can whist doing it.

Because of that, being a 'friend' on Facebook and Twitter -- sorry, no MySpace -- is conditional, though I care about and love everyone equally.

Because of that, I WILL NOT confirm/accept you if you were an employer, past or present. That includes all aspects of my life, as a WDW Cast Member, an Ocean Park Manager, a professional actor still in retirement, a legal clerk for several law firms. I will also tend to shun those who have fallen in some sort of disfavour from my past and present, for whatever reason.

To be more specific: I WILL NOT confirm you if you are in some way connected to Ocean Park, certain performers, actors and staff being the EXCEPTION. I WILL NOT confirm you if you are a manager I work for/worked with at WDW, and if you become one, expected to be 'unfriended', in order to maintain a sense of professionalism, since we can all be held accountable for what is said on social media.

However, friends, co-workers that want to get to know me better, relatives I want to stay in touch with, and strangers (who aren't stalkers or freaks) are welcome to request to be my Facebook 'friend'. However, strangers, you must tell me WHY you want to friend me. Blind requests are no longer welcome, and will automatically be ignored.

I will not report anything that is 'personal', unless A) it violates professional confidentiality (refer to the Cast Member Code of Conduct book you got during Traditions, or violates the non-disclosure clauses of various employers) B) It poses harm to yourself or others, or C) violates the law, or is part of potential criminal acts. And I expect the same from you.

I do hope this will be clarify my position of why I am very selective when confirming 'friends', and open things up to more open communication.

And as I make more friends, expect to see this note every once in a while as a reminder to all about how I work.

Peace,

Drew

A thought

I have turned into the person I did not want to be. Those who are close to me will understand this, and so will my bitter and angry brother.

My election opinion

In a trend that follows the elections in Australia and Great Britain, our elected government is split.

My comments on it all:

Sarah Palin is an intelli-cunt. She will never be a leader, because all she knows how to do is to stir up the pot, and not actually lead and provide solutions. She shoots her mouth off, like a brainless blob. And she is the face of the Tea Party, though not part of it. However, I give that bitch credit for saying that our government isn't working the way it is, although using extreme politics, rhetoric and playing on insecurities is not how I'd play.

I hate the Tea Party. They play on the fears and insecurities of the American voter in its extreme, and taking the Republican party further to the right. Which wouldn't be a bad thing if it splits the party into two, making the Republicans more moderate -- and to me, a much more palatable option.

The American voter, for the most part, wants instant gratification. Well, they got the government they wanted. Good luck in achieving that goal, because it really won't happen, since most of us haven't realized that hard work, playing nicely with others, and selfless dialogue will make the process go so much faster.

I pray that Obama will be able to overcome this obstacle to make effective and realistic change, and make my fellow Americans and our government realize that change will take time, and not take place within their concept of a time table. It will happen, but not when they want it to happen.

My post election sentiment

‎"We were suffering the postcoital depression that comes from figuring out the only thing screwed in the recent past was the country." -- Linda Ellerbee, And So It Goes

My election plea

I live in a country where instant gratification an entitlement, rather than a pleasant surprise. Change is a process, not an event. It took 8 years to fix the wrongs of the 80s, it took 8 years to undo the progress done, and it will take as much time to get back on track. All I can say is, consider long and hard about derailing that process, and be realistic with one's expectations.

Sarah Palin is an intelli-cunt poseur. She is not well-read, not an expert on anything except creating drama and shooting her mouth off. She plays on the insecurities of the people, giving them the idea of such immediate results are part of the American Way, and something to fight for. The Tea Party is so disillusioned with the status quo, they will do just about anything to get such instant gratification and blaming the current president for all the problems, when he just inherited them. Obama is trying to keep true to his promise, but it doesn't help when people have unrealistic expectations.

These people are deluding themselves, thinking that by going to extremes, that they will get votes. And yes, they will. Unfortunately, my fellow citizens have not realized that mob rule doesn't get anything accomplished fast.

We all need to be reminded that by hard work, playing well with others, sacrifice and creative and innovative thinking, we will get the government we want AND the results that we need.

From the Dalai Lama

It is important to distinguish between genuine humility, which is a type of modesty, and a lack of confidence. They are not the same thing at all, although many confuse them. This may explain, in part, why today humility is often thought of as a weakness, rather than as an indication of inner strength, especially in the context of business and professional life.

What Hong Kong needs to do to be a World Class City

I've been home a week now, and I have had time to reflect on what could make Hong Kong better for everyone; the people that live there, the people that visit, and the expats that choose to make Hong Kong their home. This is based on personal observation, and nothing scientific.

I remember the first time I came to Hong Kong in September 2005, working for Ocean Park (see previous entries about how much of a pain in the ass it is to work there), and I was completely impressed. It was in part modern, reaching towards an uncertain future due to the handover back to the Central Government, but so steeped in tradition and the past. I commented to a taxi driver, who loved anything Filipino, spoke great English, who told me, "Wait until you have been here a while, you will see a side of Hong Kong that isn't so nice. It is nice for you because you are a Westerner, but wait until you see what it is like for the people who live here."

Since then, I started to realize that that taxi driver was right. In the past 3 years particularly, I have started to realize a few things. All this made me conclude, that Hong Kong is a modern city with its share of problems and issues they must address.

So here's the laundry list:

Media needs to be transparent. What we see/read in the English press is not what the typical Hong Konger would see in the Chinese press. We don't get to hear about the drama, or if we do, it is often sugar coated, so it doesn't appear as bad as it is. We want to understand what's going on and be part of it.

The Hong Kongers need stop using language as a weapon of exclusion. It is sad when employers have to prove that being able to read/speak Chinese is a requirement of a job. Why not do what Singapore does, and make English the medium of commerce, education and government, and use that as the MAIN language? I'm tired of being called names in front of me, when I know damn well what they're saying. I'm tired of being told that speaking English is fine, but people speak in Cantonese in front of me, and not including me in the conversation, is a major issue for me. Not only is it rude, it is counterproductive for any interaction.

Speaking of exclusion, due to the large expat community, both white and from other Asian countries, there should be more efforts to include them in daily life. Sha sha tangs and hot pot restaurants should have bilingual menus, after all we should be able to order anything, anywhere, and enjoy probably some of the best cuisine Hong Kong has to offer. It took me years to finally remember the word, but I would love to be able to tick off Tofu Balls on the hot pot order sheet, rather than have to ask: "Lei yao mo san gan?"/Do you have tofu balls (or golden thread tofu balls)?

Stop the widespread discrimination for those expats who are non-white AND the non-Chinese resident population. After all, the Indians and Pakistanis, most of them were born and raised here, their ancestors were brought by the English as their servants and labourers. The Filipino, Malaysian and Indonesian nannys, maids, domestics deserve better respect and a decent living wage. Though it is the law, profiling based on ethnicity is another way that government perpetuate official harassment, and make it quite clear that WE DON'T BELONG HERE, even though the expats pay Hong Kong taxes, and are an intregal part of Hong Kong life.

Everyone needs to learn how to treat everyone equally. Because of my 'Asian' face, I get treated better than my white friends. Until I open my big mouth, then I get the same treatment, as they. And the 'local' price versus 'tourist' price is just plain WRONG. I've gotten hosed a few times over this, it doesn't feel so great, and makes me go to other places to shop. I think I'll do my shopping in Sham Shui Po, where the hawkers are more fair with the prices.

Making conditions better for the Hong Kongers. Get a minimum wage. Build more public housing, and improve the estates that are falling apart. Make cage houses illegal. Tell Bowtie to get a clue, after all, he doesn't want to suffer the fate of Marie Antoinette, since he said to a professional couple in 2009 about the lack of affordable housing in Kowloon: "Move to New Territories, then." Fix the air pollution problem as best they can. Improve access to mental health services for everyone (refer to my post about the guy killing himself).

The citizens needs to stop being apathetic and take advantage of their rights under the Basic Law, asserting themselves before those rights go away. They should fight the Central Government to make sure their rights are protected and the Basic Law is observed on their part. The infighting in LEGCO is not for show, there are people that actually care about what happens, who cares if they just happen to be politicians. They need to take responsibilities to insure their democratic way of governance is protected for the benefit of the HK, and not the Central Governement.

Teach the children morals and ethics, as they don't understand that if you lie to save face, and get caught, everyone loses face. Teach them to learn on their own, encourage independent thinking, and make them understand that cheating is bad. Make them learn responsibility for their actions. They need to learn the benefits of collaboration for the good of the whole.

Take pride in your cultural heritage. Stop tearing things down to make more office buildings or car parks. Otherwise, there won't be anything of the past left for locals and tourists to appreciate.

I'm glad that there are helpful people around. But, don't hide behind the language or cultural barriers in order to not help. We need your help sometimes. Because of this, I have had to depend on friends to help AND/OR be more prepared in order to do something simple like order from a menu. It can make living here difficult for someone who's not used to being independent or doesn't know their resources.

Hong Kongers need to stop being so self-centred and absorbed. I understand it is very Confuscian, to stay to themselves, and look out for their own survival and self-interests, in order to save face and maintain social order. But really, forcing the SPCA to take their pet because it doesn't match your decor, or you don't have time to take proper care of your pet, is that right? Or is it necessary to push and shove your way to the front of the queue, just because you're in a hurry? It is not just about you.

Trust me, I STILL love Hong Kong. It has so much to offer, and so much potential. I love the friends I have made, the things I have been able to do, and the food I've been able to eat. People may think I'm whining, and I should get over it, because it is another country and culture. Since Hong Kong professes to be a world class city, it needs to be called out on the stuff they need to fix. However, they need to get out of the tunnels to see the world as it really is.

RIP Sony Walkman

You were an big part of my life. You went everywhere you were allowed to be: school trips, runs through Bridle Trails State Park, paper routes, and you even went to bed with me, my first bedfellow. I will remember you, especially when I watch popular movies made in the 1980s.

I will keep your memory, as you were my first technological love, a testament to the genius of technology of the time. Thank you for being there. I shall miss you.

(Chopin's Death March playing on my iPod Classic in the background.)

In requiem

Alan and I were in Causeway Bay checking out office space, and we were having a discussion over how to proceed, when all off the sudden we saw someone jump and land on the balcony.

What is weird is Alan and I lived in that building in 2006, and that person landed on our part of the balcony. And the paramedics had to access him through the apartment in which we lived.

I'm not sure how I feel about seeing someone die. It's different than in the movies, as I am an actor, portraying a few death scenes myself.

Part of me is saddened that someone felt that this was the only solution to whatever is going on in their lives. It does get better. However, it takes time.

Part of me is sickened that while the onlookers looked on in disbelief, no one called 999 (the emergency number).

Part of me is bewildered that there were people here looking at this as a form of cheap entertainment. Myself included. It was like reality TV live. And I wanted to tell the news crews what it looked like. It was like death was trivial.

Part of me keeps wondering, if I was still living there, and actually had to see the body land on my balcony, how would I feel?

This was the first time I saw someone die in such a manner. It's different from watching it on TV or in the movies, or even reading about it.

Life isn't trivial. It's the act of existing in this world and everything in it, physical, spiritual and everything in between. The tangible and intangible. Perhaps it's oversimplifying things, but to describe in in 30 seconds or less, it's a decent working definition.

FML

Have you ever been at a party, though welcome, you should have never accepted the invite? Tonight was that night for me, and it makes be VERY IRATE that myself -- and a few others -- are in the situation we're in now.

We went to the Zombie Crawl, an Ocean Park traditional party. Saw some actors, said hello. Tried to look thrilled to be there. Tried to have a good time. Couldn't. It made me so fucking angry that I royally got fucked over. I couldn't be happy. I was upset. Pretty damn upset. Then I got pissed off.

I saw one of the people who took over my position. Even though he is considered one of the 'good guys', I was colder than ice to him. Man Chun, you bitch, now you know the hell I go through year after year. Good for you.

What really pissed me off was one of the assistant makeup artists told me that this was the last year for our company. Why the hell did she have to tell me this?!? That totally fucking ruined it. Fuck you very much Grace. I had to leave. Went to the Flying Pan and had myself a damn good double bacon cheeseburger.

I will make my voice heard somehow in a manner that will make people hurt. Don't know how, but it will happen. Ocean Park, you have no idea what the wrath of Drew will bring. Fucking bitches and hos.

Links to my Hong Kong photos

So, here's the Facebook links to some of my albums I've posted during my trip to Hong Kong. You don't have to be a Facebook user, and I've made these public. Copy and paste, since Blogger won't actually let me link these addresses.

Tai O:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=295768&id=674140449&l=c1fff1bb79

Lamma Island: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=297062&id=674140449&l=e160365ce8

Happy Valley Racetrack: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=297339&id=674140449&l=268b899845

The Tram Party: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=295761&id=674140449&l=cfcead2037

Lamma Island

Pics from our trip to Lamma Island. Beautiful island. Had a lot of fun!

'Who' knew, right?

My friend Brit with someone who looks like Matt Smith from Doctor Who.... Taken outside of the Happy Valley Racecourse in Hong Kong.